in which i eat sh*t

have you ever been to Syracuse, New York? No? Well, there's snow. Lots of it. Like 80 percent of the year.

and have you ever met me? I am extremely accident prone. It's actually really pathetic.

all that this to say that, those two factors make for a very catastrophic formula. If you know what I mean.

anyway, in honor of winter, I present to you Debbie's top five eating sh*t moments, the Syracuse edition.

{5} picture this: my first ever college party (okay, maybe my second), freshman year. The drama kids hosted said party. I tried to impress one such drama kid by kicking my leg up high in the air. I suppose I was overexcited, since what ended up happening was I slipped and felt right on my butt.

in retrospect, I have no clue why I felt the need to show off to this boy. First of all, he was gay. And second, I had a crush on someone else, anyway.

{4} just this morning, I stupidly chose to wear Ugg boots to take Simba out to potty, instead of real snow boots that, you know, have traction. Before I knew it, I slipped and flew down the few steps that lead to our front porch, Simba in hand and all.

now I have a real hot battle wound -- I mean, bruise -- down the side of my right leg to prove it.

{3} that one time in 2011 when I tried to hang up my elephant tapestry. Like a professional idiot, I placed a stool on top of my desk; then I proceeded to stand on it.

according to the stool, it was good to hold up to 300 pounds.

I am not 300 pounds.

still, it snapped in half. I flew in the air, completed a series of summersaults and flips, and landed with my head this close to the mirror. I was able to escape those seven years of bad luck by a hair.

{2} sophomore year, when I face planted in the middle of a busy street. In my defense, I was wearing heels. And also in my defense, it was too dark to see that I was about to miss the curb.

you can still ask my friend Julie about this incident. This is what she'll say: "Debbie falls so cute!"

every time. She says that every single time.

thanks to this particular fall, I ruined a Swarovski ring.

{1} I have saved the best for last: the infamous time I broke my butt.

again, I wore Uggs (this is God's way of telling me that no one should ever ever wear Uggs). Again, I fell down a flight of stairs (actually, three flights of stairs, but who's counting?).

but here's my favorite part: this did not happen outside in the snow, but inside, at the biggest university gym. The stairs were wet. And I slipped, as if someone had dropped an entire palm tree's worth of banana peels.

so, just like that, I broke my tailbone.

let me just tell you, it wasn't great.