a list, because i haven't blogged in forever

forever being, you know, nine days.

{1} like so many around me, I'm absolutely devastated about the Sandy Hook shooting last week. I cannot think of anything sadder or more gut wrenching. This needs to stop. Gun control, now (I mean, how is it that you are not psychiatrically evaluated before purchasing a gun?). Better mental healthcare, now.

I'm not going to lie -- as a foreigner, "the right to bear arms" sounds straight up stupid to me. But hey! That's just me. What do I know?

anyway -- here's how to help.

{2} I'm in Colorado at the moment, and I swear to you I have never smelled so much weed just by walking down the street. More power to them, I guess.

{3} my throat is killing me, and I'm pretty peeved about it. I don't want to feel too sick to ski tomorrow (major #firstworldproblem, I know, but sports-wise, to me, it goes: (1) gymnastics, (2) skiing, (3) running).

{4} my sister pointed out to me today how ironic it is that she is dating a German and I am dating an Arab. I bet we're a disappointment to Jews worldwide.

HEY, why can't everyone just love each other? WHY? If we can do it, so can everybody else, I'd say.

Imagine there's no heaven
It's easy if you try
No hell below us
Above us only sky
Imagine all the people living for today

Imagine there's no countries
It isn't hard to do
Nothing to kill or die for
And no religion too
Imagine all the people living life in peace

You, you may say 
I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one
I hope some day you'll join us
And the world will be as one

Imagine no possessions
I wonder if you can
No need for greed or hunger
A brotherhood of man
Imagine all the people sharing all the world

You, you may say 
I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one
I hope some day you'll join us
And the world will live as one -- John Lennon*

{5} you know how you hear of how the Harry Potter series came about to J.K. Rowling, randomly while on a train and in such obsessive detail? I think I may just have experienced the same thing (not that I could ever come up with something as brilliant as Harry Potter, but you know). I've been working on a novel for months now, but this new idea came to me so suddenly and unexpectedly that I've spent the past two days writing and researching feverishly, nearly completing my first chapter and creating an outline for the whole thing. I even have a name for it! Maybe this will be the one for me? I really do hope so! It's historical fiction, also, which is absolutely my favorite genre.

seriously guys? I'd love to be a writer more than anything in the world.

{6} I really, really love my family. My family being, you know, my sister (she is looking so gorgeous these days!) and my dad. And my boyfriend, Mike, because at this point I really do consider him family.

{7} yesterday a young girl (10, maybe?) asked me if my dad and I were married. UM. No. Does he look young or do I look old?

{8} I've taken to calling my dad Shlomi, because that was his nickname when he was in the Israeli army, and I think it's cute.

{9} I'm forgetting my Spanish. And my Hebrew. It's serious. I mean, I always thought the coolest thing about me is that I am trilingual.

{10} I miss Simba so much I can't even bear to think about him right now. I hope he's having a blast at his doggie hotel and that I am worrying over nothing.

*in case anyone is interested, Simba's middle name is Lennon.

a gift idea this holiday season

here's a disclaimer: I can't claim credit for this idea. It wasn't mine. It was my roommate's. But, hey, it's a great idea, so I thought I'd share it.

instead of dropping big bucks on clothes and movies for your friends and family this holiday season (let's face it -- clothes that they will probably never wear and movies they will never watch), I think we should all donate to a good cause in that person's name (e.g. my sister is passionate about ending world hunger, so Stop Hunger Now it was for her). After all, there are so many less fortunate than us, and to be honest, most of us already have every material possession we could ever possibly need. Or even want.

I know gifts are nice...but if you have a few dollars to spare, I really encourage you to do this.

I'd rather know someone gave in my name, really. I don't need any other presents.

the images above link to the charities that I donated to in honor of my loved ones.

my goals; december {a little late}

November was an odd month. There was both really, really good, and really, really bad. There was illness and loss. There was love like I've never known before. Life is very strange sometimes, isn't it? And so I'm just trying to deal with the day to day...

let's review my November goals, shall we?

{1} keep running! I've recently fallen in love with running, and I really hope to get better and faster. There's really no greater feeling than after you're done with a run...serious endorphins there. -- minus the time when I got horribly sick (seratonin syndrome is dreadful and deadly, by the way), and minus the time I spent a week in Albany with no access to a gym, I ran like a champ. So go me.

{2} do well in school. I don't know why this has fallen down the wayside this semester...senioritis? -- I'm trying. I really am. But when bad things happen, motivation tends to fall by the wayside. Luckily, I think I did well in my sociology final today. And I hope I'm not jinxing this now. 

{3} write something for my novel every day...even if it's just a word. Just something. -- big, fat, huge fail. But in my defense -- somedays I could hardly muster the energy to get out of bed. 

{4} look into more (hopefully paid) freelancing opportunities. -- yes. I wrote plenty and even made a little money.

{5} eat healthier. -- I mean, if you forget Thanksgiving.

{6} laugh more. -- despite all the heartache, it might surprise you to hear that I have laughed like I have never laughed before in the month of November. And I have my incredible boyfriend to thank for that.

and on to the next...my December goals:

{1} write fiction. I have a new novel forming itself in my head (actually, I have three, but this one seems almost imperative that I write now), and although I am not quite sure how I feel about juggling two novels at once, I think I'm going to give it a shot.

{2} do something each day to relax. Even if it's a little thing, like read a book for pleasure, or indulge in a glass of red wine.

{3} get through the semester. Just get through it.

{4} reach out to my friends when I am hurting more. I have so much trouble with this.

{5} stay active. Staying active makes me feel great, whether it be yoga, running, or skiing. 

{6} advocate for peace. In little ways, maybe, but in any way that I can.

a better place

disclaimer: I'm going to sound like a huge self-congratulating asshole in this post. I am not. I have so many flaws. I dislike so many things about myself. I am terrible at communicating, and I can snap and say dreadful, terrible things. I don't know how to forgive. I especially don't know how to forgive myself. I am insecure and needy, and although I am making progress, I treat myself horribly. Really horribly. And sometimes I drag others down with me.

John Lennon Wall; Prague, summer 2007

I've always been such an idealist, probably to the point of idiocy. I mean, I know that some of my more cynical friends roll their eyes at me, and I understand that; truly, I do. I know the world will never be a perfect place. I know it is not so easy to eradicate human suffering with the snap of your fingers. I get that. But at the risk of sounding like a "humble brag," I am desperate to do what I can. I've asked to be an organ donor on my driver's license, even though my friends tell me my organs might only be used for teaching purposes, or, even worse, that doctors would not try everything in their power to save me if one of my organs could be useful to someone else. But that's okay. I think that's a chance I'm willing to take.

I cried once when I was told I wasn't eligible to donate blood.

one of my biggest goals in life is to adopt a child in need. For now, though, I'm sponsoring a child in India, because pocket change for me is life changing cash for her, and that's the least I can do, really.

I am so proud of my dad, because he's been in the clean energy business (i.e. windmills) since before clean energy was really a "thing." A thing that anyone worried about, at least.

last year I volunteered at my university's rape crisis center, and although as a victim of sexual abuse it was honestly more than I could bear, I'm at least happy I did my part.

yesterday, I donated (small amounts, but whatever I could) to two causes that are important to me (this and this).

I just want to help.

the point of this post is not to say that I am some saint, because, again, I am not (I mean, just yesterday, I said some horrific things to my roommate in a moment of anger and irrationality and grief. I can't believe those words even came out of my mouth, and I hate myself for that.) The point is that lately, I've been seen so much ugly in the world, and it just crushes me, because that is not the world I know. Those are not the people I know. I've always thought humanity was, in its own flawed way, beautiful. And a part of me still hopes it is. The fact that I could be wrong terrifies me.

I want the world to be a better place, one without suffering and abuse and war and genocide and terrorism and cruelty in any way. I want people to respect and embrace each others' differences. I don't know why, throughout the history of the world, we've found this so hard. I truly don't know why.

to me, it seems like such a simple concept.

{thanks for maybe reading my word vomit}

on repeat

just what I've needed after this horrible, awful, horrendous past week.

let the sun rise
light up the morning
the purest of prayers
will not bring us back

he whose candle was snuffed out
and was buried in the dust
bitter crying won't wake him up 
and won't bring him back
nobody will bring us back
from a dead and darkened pit 
here, 
neither the victory cheer
nor songs of praise will help 

so just sing a song for peace
don't whisper a prayer
just sing a song for peace
in a loud shout

allow the sun to penetrate
through the flowers
don't look back
let go of those departed
lift your eyes with hope 
not through the rifles' sights
sing a song for love
and not for wars 

don't say the day will come
bring on that day
because it is not a dream
and in all the city squares
cheer only for peace!

peace, please

{via}

I'm not a religious person (like, at all), and religion sometimes bothers me (a lot). Not the wonderful traditions or sense of community or faith, but the exclusivity and hatred toward others and fanaticism and extremism that have cost us so many lives throughout the history of the world.

even though I am not religious (personally, I don't think believing in God and religion are the same thing), having an Israeli passport is incredibly important to me. The first few years of my life spent in Israel are incredibly important to me. The culture (a real melting pot) is important to me; my friends and family still in Israel are important to me.

I think I might be the only person in the world that still has a shred of hope that there might be peace in the Middle East someday. This is not a political blog (and I've mentioned so many times that I do not care for politics), but my heart hurts for the innocent civilians suffering on both sides. I want everyone to be okay.

we've been close before, haven't we?

fanaticism makes me sick to my stomach (Muslim, Jewish, Christian, or otherwise). Intolerance makes me sick to my stomach. Terrorism and murder make me sick to my stomach.

I don't know why so many people around the globe have to suffer because of this.

I hope I see peace in my lifetime. Maybe I should add that to my bucket list.

edited to add: I just did. I added it to my bucket list. So there.