in which i eat sh*t

have you ever been to Syracuse, New York? No? Well, there's snow. Lots of it. Like 80 percent of the year.

and have you ever met me? I am extremely accident prone. It's actually really pathetic.

all that this to say that, those two factors make for a very catastrophic formula. If you know what I mean.

anyway, in honor of winter, I present to you Debbie's top five eating sh*t moments, the Syracuse edition.

{5} picture this: my first ever college party (okay, maybe my second), freshman year. The drama kids hosted said party. I tried to impress one such drama kid by kicking my leg up high in the air. I suppose I was overexcited, since what ended up happening was I slipped and felt right on my butt.

in retrospect, I have no clue why I felt the need to show off to this boy. First of all, he was gay. And second, I had a crush on someone else, anyway.

{4} just this morning, I stupidly chose to wear Ugg boots to take Simba out to potty, instead of real snow boots that, you know, have traction. Before I knew it, I slipped and flew down the few steps that lead to our front porch, Simba in hand and all.

now I have a real hot battle wound -- I mean, bruise -- down the side of my right leg to prove it.

{3} that one time in 2011 when I tried to hang up my elephant tapestry. Like a professional idiot, I placed a stool on top of my desk; then I proceeded to stand on it.

according to the stool, it was good to hold up to 300 pounds.

I am not 300 pounds.

still, it snapped in half. I flew in the air, completed a series of summersaults and flips, and landed with my head this close to the mirror. I was able to escape those seven years of bad luck by a hair.

{2} sophomore year, when I face planted in the middle of a busy street. In my defense, I was wearing heels. And also in my defense, it was too dark to see that I was about to miss the curb.

you can still ask my friend Julie about this incident. This is what she'll say: "Debbie falls so cute!"

every time. She says that every single time.

thanks to this particular fall, I ruined a Swarovski ring.

{1} I have saved the best for last: the infamous time I broke my butt.

again, I wore Uggs (this is God's way of telling me that no one should ever ever wear Uggs). Again, I fell down a flight of stairs (actually, three flights of stairs, but who's counting?).

but here's my favorite part: this did not happen outside in the snow, but inside, at the biggest university gym. The stairs were wet. And I slipped, as if someone had dropped an entire palm tree's worth of banana peels.

so, just like that, I broke my tailbone.

let me just tell you, it wasn't great.

through thick and thin

Simba supports Syracuse University basketball. Even when we lose. Like today.

that's a true fan right there.

books on books on books

three-and-a-half years ago, after I first started college, I kind of sort of maybe abandoned my love for reading...probably because I was so busy making new friends, settling into classes, having a social life, and meeting a new boyfriend to remember that such a thing exists as books of the non-textbook variety.  Which is a shame, because I've always been an avid reader (I mean, not always, always, but certainly since the third grade, when Ms. Currie introduced my class to the wonderful world of Harry Potter...now, James and the Giant Peach I wasn't such a huge fan of).

anyway, they say that the way to become is a better writer is by reading, which is so absolutely true, of course. So, this January, I made it a goal to read for pleasure, like I used to all the time.

so far I've read:

Room by Emma Donoghue
What Happens In London by Julia Quinn
The First Counsel by Brad Meltzer
One Day In The Life Of Ivan Denisovich by Alexander Solzhenitsyn
Agent 6 by Tom Rob Smith
Child 44 by Tom Rob Smith

currently reading:

The Book Thief by Markus Zusak

and next, I plan on reading:

The Secret Speech by Tom Rob Smith

{in case anyone is wondering, I am aware that I have been reading the Child 44 trilogy completely in the wrong order...the correct order is: Child 44, The Secret Speech, and Agent 6...but, I picked up Agent 6 at the airport, so that's where I started. In any case, it's a great series of books, especially if you're into thrillers, and especially if you're into all things Soviet Union, which I am. Child 44 is now probably one of my favorite novels}

the point of this post is not to say I am a nerd that reads a lot (or a nerd that reads fast, which I tend to do). But mostly, to say this: ever since I've made reading for pleasure a priority again, I've noticed that my life has improved in the following areas:

{1} I fill my mind with words rather than mindless television that really is just junk food for my brain, i.e. the Kardashians, the Bachelor, Teen Mom, etc.

{2} actually, the only show I really watch now is Pretty Little Liars, but that's okay because I like to fool myself into thinking that it makes me think, or something.

{3} I don't spend as much time being useless online.

{4} it's easier to fall asleep at night if I've been reading, than, say, if I've been on my laptop or watching television.

{5} I think maybe I am a little bit of a better writer, especially where fiction is concerned.

so! The moral of this story is: read! And also, what books should I read next? Danke!

this is how i feel about life today:

via 

what with the weather today and having the flu and owning a puppy that refuses to pee in the snow for the love of God...I've officially decided that I want to move to Aruba. 

{hey Syracuse, you're making it really hard to believe in global warming today...jokes.}

hope it's somewhat warmer wherever you are! 

i am sick of being sick

like everyone and their mother, I am sick. I feel terrible, and on top of it, now I am really antsy too, having been cooped up at home for several days (ugh, I miss running!). So, to avoid sinking into a deep depression, the following is a list of reasons why life doesn't totally suck at the moment:

{1} I just recently reorganized my room at school, and I pretty much love it now. I suppose I'll share pictures when it's totally done.

{2} I've been reunited with Simba.

{3} I am about halfway done with my rough draft for my novel, and I am very excited about it.

{4} I have a pretty sweet schedule this semester: class on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays; work on Tuesdays. Every other day and time is mine to do as I please. Second semester senior year, #YOLO (I hate when people say #YOLO. Gross).

{5} I've been reading the Child 44 trilogy by Tom Rob Smith and it has blown my mind (and it's about Russia, duh).

{6} I am taking a fiction writing workshop! After nearly four years of taking nonfiction writing classes, this is, like, really exciting.

{7} I had a dream last night that I think was supposed to be, like, the next episode of Pretty Little Liars. It was pretty cool, actually. Spencer was on the "A" team (there's something sketchy about her, I swear) with Mona and Toby, and Alison was not dead, she'd just been kidnapped along with two African American twins. WEIRD. I guess I should be embarrassed that I have dreams about a teenybopper series, but you know, whatever.

{8} yesterday I realized that I have not cried in 2013. Which is a big deal, since I'm a huge baby. Yay me.

{9} snow is pretty.

{10} it's almost my birthday and I'm getting really excited about it.

mother russia

so.

21 years after my parents hired a former Soviet nanny (she was Ukrainian, I believe?) to take care of baby me, 15-or-so years after I loved The Fiddler on the Roof (I was an odd child with odd interests, okay?), 12 years after I became strangely obsessed with Russian gymnasts, 5 years after my first trip to Eastern Europe, one year after I discovered the wonder that is vodka (okay, one year, MY ASS, but I am not about to admit to underage drinking on a public blog), and countless years after I started begging my dad to take me to Russia...it seems that I am finally going this summer!

I don't want to jinx anything, but...ahh! I am so excited. And lucky. But mostly, excited.

you see, there are two nationalities of people that I have absolutely nothing to do with, ethnically or culturally, that totally fascinate me. These are: {1} Greeks, and {2} Russians. I've been to Greece a thousand times (okay, five) because I have the best father in the world who really values travel and loves the Greeks too, but I've never been to Russia. But I love Russians! Particularly the Russian prostitutes that walk the street corners in Tel Aviv (no, I am not trying to be an asshole that stereotypes people, and I am well aware that prostitutes in Israel -- and elsewhere -- are of course not exclusively Russian, and I think sex trafficking is a nasty nasty thing...I am just saying that my sister and I may or may not have saved a Russian hooker's business card we found the second to last time we went to Israel. And on a completely unrelated note, isn't it hilarious that prostitution is legal in the "holy" land?).

anyway, the point of this post is: I am finally going to Russia! And everyone knows I love Russia and will someday adopt a Russian child (or not...), so this is the greatest thing ever.

oh, and if a redneck happens to stumble across my blog, I just want to make it extra clear that: {1} I promise I am not a Communist (in fact Cuba is the most depressing place I have ever been to), {2} I also promise I am not a Russian spy, although that would be cool, and {3} (this one is mostly for non-rednecks but rather for people informed about the world) although I usually don't quite care about politics, I think most of Russia's internal and foreign political affairs are absolutely atrocious (i.e. human rights abuses, inequality, no freedom of press, invading Georgia even though I don't really remember what that was about, etc.).

p.s. the other day I learned that during World War II, many Soviet POWs were sent to labor camps in Siberia upon their return to the USSR, because according to Soviet law, one was supposed to fight to the death and never surrender. So, basically, Stalin considered Soviet POWs traitors and accused them of collaborating with the Nazis, which is like the most depressing thing I've ever heard. Those poor people were screwed either way.

sometimes the world really sucks.

also, I am a nerd.

memories

it's always a little hard being home. You probably already know that I didn't have the best childhood (teenage-hood?). It wasn't all bad, of course. Some things were lovely. But some experiences, well, I am amazed every single day that I managed to get past them.

it's been easier since we moved out of our old house. I think my mother lives there now. I have no idea; I haven't talked to her in a year and a half. But that house had bad vibes.

there's the beach, of course. Which is really unparalleled. And seeing Justin Bobby again (although he reminds me of just how much I miss Simba, which breaks my heart a little bit. Eleven days til I see him again).

I don't have very many friends left here. My last year of high school wasn't the best. And in any case, I went to an international school, so most of my friends do not live here anymore, anyway.

I've been writing a lot, which is good. I found a novel I wrote when I was 12 -- I've been looking for it for years. I read the first few chapters. It wasn't that bad for a 12-year-old, actually. Maybe that means someday I'll be a decent writer.

I've also been reading a lot. Other people's books, I mean.

today I decided to create a bulletin board of happy memories. Which was a nice process, but it was really exhausting, too. Because in order to find the good stuff, I had to scroll through the ugly messes too, and it made me a little sad. If I'm being honest.

I asked my dad over dinner if he stole all the albums from when we were little, or if my mother simply didn't want them. She didn't want them. The only album she wanted, according to her lawyer, was the one of her childhood. Not ours. That made me sad, even though I don't really think much about her anymore.

when I was around three years old, my dad's company sent its employees on a cruise ship from Israel to Turkey and Rhodes, Greece. My sister didn't go, because she was basically still a newborn. So I was looking at those albums. And me and my mom -- well, I don't know, she looks so happy. She has this spark that she lost in later photographs. And it really makes me wonder.

I know my father is not exactly an unbiased source, but he's the only one I have. I don't really remember being three. So I asked him, was she happy with me then? Did she love me?

he said she was already overwhelmed. Very quickly she realized being a mother didn't suit her. He said I'd knock on his door at night, at ages two and three, asking him to read me a book, please, because Mom fell asleep before she even started.

I guess there's no point to this post, except that, I don't know, memories are hard for me sometimes. Photos make me wonder: did I do something to make her dislike me along the way? How come she seemed that much happier with me when I was three years old?

"because you were like a little doll that she could play with. She could still control you, make you the way she wanted."

I hope my dad is right, because otherwise, how is it possible that I messed up so badly that almost two years ago, I ended up losing my mother completely?

monthly goals; january.

is it odd to have monthly goals in January? It just seems too similar to New Year's resolutions, but whatever. I like having monthly goals. I guess I'm a goal-oriented person.

this is how I did with my December goals:

{1} write fiction. I have a new novel forming itself in my head (actually, I have three, but this one seems almost imperative that I write now), and although I am not quite sure how I feel about juggling two novels at once, I think I'm going to give it a shot. -- yes, yes! I'm actually so proud of myself. I have 21 pages down of the initial draft for my new manuscript so far, and each day I get more and more excited about it. It's hard work, but still. Writing is what I want to do with my life.

{2} do something each day to relax. Even if it's a little thing, like read a book for pleasure, or indulge in a glass of red wine. -- I did pretty good! I'm not sure if I did something every single day (I mean, I wasn't keeping track), but yeah. I'd say I was successful. 

{3} get through the semester. Just get through it. -- obviously, I did. So glad.

{4} reach out to my friends when I am hurting more. I have so much trouble with this. -- ehh.

{5} stay active. Staying active makes me feel great, whether it be yoga, running, or skiing. -- yep! 

{6} advocate for peace. In little ways, maybe, but in any way that I can. -- in little ways, yes, I suppose.

and on to January: 

{1} write for my novel every day, even if it's just editing pieces here and there. I've been on a 1000-words-a-day roll lately, but I know that's not entirely realistic for, say, when I go back to school. 

{2} read! For pleasure. 

{3} worry less. 

{4} improve my running speed.

2013

hey, happy new year! Hopefully it's a good one for all of us, filled with lots of love and health and everything good!